One Day Everyone Will Be Ashamed Of You
As a person who chose to make this country their home, witnessing the actions this administration has taken in Los Angeles this week, with threats to expand to the rest of the country at the whims of the President, is terrifying. As a person who comes from South America, this is fucking bullshit. I didn’t leave my country just to come to another ridiculous wannabe strongman and his cadre of ghouls. If I wanted failed democracy and political violence, I woulda stayed down there!
The one thing that being South American gives you in times like these, and I’m sure Russians and people from certain countries in Africa have this gift too, is a terrifying clairvoyance. My friend, Chilean comedian Fabrizio Copano says that South Americans are time travelers. That we already know what’s gonna happen here. And it’s true. We’re like Kyle Reese in Terminator: your future is our past. And like in Terminator, we are being hunted by a weird white guy with a funny voice and terrible catchphrases.
For those of us with the gift, it’s been one hell of a week of “well, it’s happening, right? This is it, right? ‘Cause it really feels like this is it.” I am referring to the United States’ final descent into authoritarianism. I think cross check is complete. We haven’t quite landed the plane to join our new pals, Hungary, Venezuela, Russia, and Nicaragua, but we’re not far. Landing gear’s down, for sure. I mean, as I write this, a sitting Senator was tackled and handcuffed for trying to ask Kristi Noem a question by what looks like Officer Paul Blart.
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Everything that is happening in LA is shocking. It’s also entirely predictable. But there’s a silver lining to that: The fact that we can still be shocked is important. It’s the voice that tells us that something’s not right. That the fact that an official state agency is tweeting images made by a white supremacist is probably bad. (Also, probably bad that the most reliable source I could find talking about it is a newspaper that isn’t American!) But it is also predictable by not just us, but by anyone who paid attention to the words Donald Trump and his cohort said during his first term or his shadow second term while Biden was president or during any time since the beginning of his second term. And as frustrating as it is, the fact that it’s predictable helps us remember that we should stay alert. That it can happen here. That it is happening here.
Being able to hold these two thoughts at once is important because every video and image that ICE shares of their raids also elicits two responses: “man, this is scary” but also “man, this is super embarrassing.” Just look at this image Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth posted of National Guardsmen aiding an ICE detention:
On the one hand: “uh oh. Armed troops on American soil. No bueno.” On the other: “this is so silly. Why do you need 5 armed guys to stop one unarmed guy? Also, as my wife Taylor Kay Phillips pointed out, why are Mr. ICE on the right’s jeans so tight? Is he late for an emo concert after? Does he blast Welcome To The Black Parade before tackling a day worker outside a Home Depot? Does he cry when he hears that song because his daddy never took him into the city to see a marching band?
Here’s the thing: working for ICE is embarrassing. It is a source of shame. A deep shame that will carry out for generations when this is all over. Because it will be all over. I say that as a time traveler. Not now. Maybe not in our lifetimes! Probably not after the end of Trump’s lifetime! Venezuela thought it would all be over once Chavez was out of the picture, and their dictatorship has only gotten stronger under Maduro. But it will be over. And when that happens, everyone will be ashamed of you.
In 2024, the excellent podcast Radio Ambulante published a story about a woman in Paraguay who discovered, in the back of her grandmother’s closet, her grandfather’s old police uniform from when he worked for the government’s forces during the 35-year dictatorship of Alfredo Stroessner. The whole episode is in Spanish and I recommend you listen to it if you can, but the link I included has an English text translation. The bottomline of the episode is this: less than two generations later, this grandfather and everything he did is a source of deep shame for the family. Something people prefer not to talk about. Something others want to know to not absolve the complicity of their family in the horrors. That is what will happen here. Whenever this is over. For years, liberals and leftists in this country have been called alarmists. Now, they’re reasonably pretty upset that most things they’ve been warning about is coming true.
So, as every warning of doom becomes a reality, I’d like to make a prediction that implies less doom than the usual: In the future, one day, everyone in this country, and perhaps in the world, will know what you know today. What anyone with two eyes and a conscience knows: That separating families of working people with no criminal records is abhorrent. That kicking pregnant women is wrong. That detaining minors because of the color of their skin and because of what you suspect maybe their parents did is disgusting. That terrorizing a town because your boss yelled at you because you weren’t arresting enough brown people is pathetic. One day, everyone will know that what they’re doing is shameful. Perhaps ICE themselves know it now. Perhaps that’s why they insist on covering their faces.
Short on the comedy this week.
Here’s what I’m up to:
Book Stuff
As always, buy my book. Now more than ever, it’s important to know what the hell our incredibly flawed immigration process actually is about. It helps if you get into verbal fights where some moron tells you people just “need to come the right way.” And also helps if a guy or big dog is coming at you. It’s hardcover, so it’s pretty hefty.
I’ll be doing some cool book events as the summer goes on:
July 1st in San Francisco at Books, Inc in the Marina! I’ll be joined with Jose Antonio Vargas, who is the founder of the non-profit Define American and a super cool activist!
July 9th in Chicago at Three Avenues Bookshop! I’ll be talking to Emmy-Award winner and Last Week Tonight writer Ali Barthwell.
July 10th in Milwaukee at Boswell Books! I’ll talk to my favorite Midwesterner: my wife, Taylor Kay Phillips!
Come to these events if you’re in town and want to learn a little bit about immigration and laugh a little bit about immigration! It’s a nice change of pace from crying a little bit about immigration!